so many things

okay so, a day at a time

but firstly. i wish i could make a dance that was almost like reading a really amazing book

or like a really amazing picture

almost like sam said "i want to make a song that looks like that," and he pointed at the clouds.

i want to make a dance that looks and means a word

a word that's what i want

that leaves the audience feeling not necessarily happy

but

alive

i want to make a dance that makes a sound. that makes a song. i suppose thats why you dance to music

but i want my dance to be like, the audience seeing the music. seeing the notes, the words, and the emotions

this is surley impossible?

but maybe not .

i do feel like sometimes i will explode with all these ideas and inspirations.

and then there is too much to be able to do it all

maye you will get a replacememt

my week

this was a talk about type of week

firstly

it was my last proper week of school

this week will be all dfyugif with the days and things :)

a few important events occured

uno. studying for le psych of ology

so very dedicated.

deux. oh wow, i had this amazing train trip.

firstly, this man with dread locks, and a guitar with butterfly stickers on it was at the station. and we were both down the end, the very end. i was dancing and then he came and i stopped. then he started to play his guitar. it was just, he was musing, standing peacefully next to his green bags full of baked beans and orange juice. then on the train carriage he was just standing up, opposite where i was sitting, and he was just playing, with his eyes closed, just humming. it was amazing, so peaceful

and then i found these cards!

it

was so very interesting. like a magic note

this summer i am going to write something, and then put it out into the ocean.

this week i am trying, no promises though

bye

plans

i have plans

plans that involve

a job,

and walking to bodhi tree after work,

simply having slipped into a dress and my elephatn sandals. and putting my hair up

and insents

and lots and lots of CD's

and british comedies

and hot days

and bed tents

and iced coffee

and salads

and lying around in my underwear

and then vodka

and light wind

and sleeping with my window open

and stars

and sam

and sarah

and cigarrettes

and blogs

and dancing

and candles

and so much music

and so much tea

and phone credit

and making clothes

and blowing fans

and relaxing

just lying down

occasionally talking to the one beside me

yes. these are plans

a white leafed tree

there are ten birds sitting on a tree, ten metres away from you and from me

lets sail away, you and me

there are ten birds atop a bleak, branches breaking under their beak

lets sail away, beyond the sea

one bird flutters and takes away, it goes to seek and find the frey

the second flaps and escapes at large, the boring life has become to hard

third bird leaps off in the sky, it's taking away to live up high

the fourth bird jolts and takes hesitation, its the rest of the world i forgot to mention

fifth white bird watches the clouds go by, and wishes for a scarlett tie

There are five birds sitting atop a tree, five metres from you and me

let's sail away, somwhere and undiscovered

there are five birds perching and sitting there, ready to fly without a care

let's sail away, somewhere quiet and so uncovered

Bird number six speaks to the sun, flying that far's never been done

the seventh flaps and sings all through, circling abouve and beyond the blue

the eighth follows suit and flys out after, following the echos of the laughter

the ninth jumps down branch by branch, how it knew- just a hunch

the last one left closes its eyes, it's happy to rest, by the byes

let's sail away, this blue skied day

let's sail away, let's sail away

flyings castles

imagine if i could stop time, just long enough
imagine if i could reach, to take a handful of
the smells of rose and jasmine, that hover in the air
the smells of smoke and fire, that are always breathing there
just so i can see them, flying past your face
just so i can look, so i can see before too late
before the smells engulf me, before they grab my hand
before they turn me round, and lead me to that land


imagine if it rained paint, buckets falling from the sky
imagine all the colours, falling from up high
so the winter days would not, not be dull and still
so when you looked around, the colours they would fill
feeling that purple, hearing that red and blue
seeing the green, and knowing its not just you
before the world starts moving, running at a race
before the day engulfs you, and rains upon your face

tell me a story about you,
tell me a story about what you do
tell me what you want from here
tell me why you sit in fear
tell me a story with a happy ending
tell me one, with a heart a-mending

stop and stop

you wont get this

no one will, probably

but just stop

feel that?

its still, peaceful, calm. absolutly nothing is moving

but electicity is buzzing in everyway

dancing flowers

i am currently in my spare. my monday spare
i love this spare


i am sitting on a wooden chair outside the humanities building.
teagan is here too, sitting a person away from me, just announcing that "some guy lived off his own tongue for a year"
"Teagan!" june, sitting opposite us, eating her spinni and ricci, obviously has a very strong veiw on this.
rory, who not an hour and a half ago at recess, pulled out a bag of magic mushrooms,
and he and chris, one of the music boys with the big pants, both had four magic mushrooms.
Rory proceeded by saying "this will be an interesting day"


indeed it is, he is standing up, wrapping his scarf around his hands, he keeps saying "man, im SO happy with this scarf!" He looks confused now though,
Teagan has just began a massive spiel about the man who lived off his own tongue.
"fuck off stuart, The Blair Witch project is real!" holly, who is sitting next to june, and leaning over to stuart on the other side, is wearing a massive gold sparkly cardigan that drowns her beautifully in a sea of sparkles and pearly buttons.
she looks rather distressed, as everyone is now shaking their heads
"no, holly. it's really not"
"yeah, nah, holly, nah."

the conversation has now changed from eating tongues to the Blair Witch project.
"fucking hell, fucking hell" annie is sitting next to me, her hair up in a large messy bun on the top of her head
she is the queen of hair in this group, it towers and looks down upon us
"holly, you need a break from these witch visions!" stuart, who is wearing his usual beanie, and pulling apart a vegemite roll, pats holly on the back, and she growls through her teeth.

today is so alive. this is why i decided to notice all this.

the air is tinging with senses


i love the wind, i love the sound of the wind
and the trees rusting together.
the whole world really does sound alive.
just like it is ment to be
the trees are talking to each other, discussing



the sun is up and down. peeping out at different intervals,
beaming down and heating everything up within seconds
before the clouds catch up and overtake.
its like the sky is playing chasey, like children
the whole world is just spinning and running



it makes me feel centered and peaceful
alive, nice
having the feeling of the wind rushing into your face
having to open my eyes
being in the same force as the wind



today was a good day :)
today is a good day.

it will soon be complete with dexter and sam
and the inscents in his room
that make my stomach knot, and my breath stop
because it all smells so amazing, and i want to savour it.

"are you pumped"
"nah, im mizone"

maybe im amazed?


:)

watch out for the flying me

i believe

it is sometimes healthy to go mad

turn off your lights

put the music up loud

forget your mind

and just be a body of bouncingness

and a jumble of everything

but it feels good this time

and just jump around

around and spin

up

and down

fly

jump

leap

whilst eating honey and butter squished between two arnott biscuits

this feels good :)

music and being

fuck wishing i was music lyrics

imagine being music

imagine being reincarnated everysecond

everytime different, never seeing anything the same

imagine opening your eyes

as you just e m e r g e from an instrument

out of a trumpet or a guitar

and then watch everything as you float up

and hear your echos behind you

i think that this would be amazing

making sounds, being sounds

i wonder what colour music sees in?

is everything a different colour depending on the note?

do you see yourself,

even though the rest of the world can only hear you and not see you

oh wow.

and so we will play the music loud enough that we dont hear the world falling apart

helium balloons

i sometimes i wish i was song lyrics

maybe that's why sometimes when i listen to songs i get so worked up

i just wish i was them.

perhaps this is why i dance mother?

because dancing is kindof like

seeing music

well that's how i would like it to be

"its an aquired taste, you need to just find the right one"

that is the definition i gave sam and sarah of bubble tea

as we were standing outside the bubble cup stand trying to decide what to order

and sam and sarah wondering why i had dragged them here

today was a day for things.

meditating behind the dance studio

playing a pregnent teenager in drama

discovering a new religion in philosphy

and winning a curly wurly in psych

which i do admit went to the chariatable cause, that was angus.

today was also a day for unknotting things

a little like my chest

it feels a bit more limber now

kind of a bit easier to move.

this is a strange feeling

i like watching the letters form words when it is set to centre

its like the word just appear from the middle of nowhere

and then they move, all by themselves

its amazing

today was also a day for my mother discovering my empty vodka bottle

and leaving me a note

boom boom boom

i dissapoint you?

fuck off.

nut soup

its national story telling day

so im going to tell you a story. about my day

also just because i want to.

today i woke up and i actually didnt make my first word a swear word.

this is good.

i then spent five millions year trying to decide what jumper to wear so i didnt get to have an english muffin

so i just ate a honey sandwich from my lunch.

i dont actually remember the train ride to school.

its always foggy in the mornings.

everyone's always tired.

the train is never loud.

it is a bit relaxing, more then it should be.

just a group of people swaying in unison to the train rock

and listening to the continuous predictable trot of the train.

i remember drama though.

we all sat in the big hall in a group of disorganised plastic tables and chairs.

i remember the first time i saw the tables. they are amazing. they were amazing. they amaze me. they are like mini tables. but plastic.

anyway. tess walked us around in a circle whilst we read out the characters we were supposed to choose for our solos.

apparently it gets our brain going. it just made me want to sleep a little more.

At recess i bought a CAPPUCHINO and i came to a realisation. i wanted skinny milk. i practiced in my head "can i please have a skinny CAPPUCHINO in a large?"

but when it got to it i didnt ask for skinnny. they ony had the full cream milk out.

"i can't make her go to the fridge and make a whole new thing of milk. she's making my coffee, that's nice enough.

if i ask for more she will be mad"

then shea walks up next to me and asks the other lady for a skinny large latte.

i shouldve just done it.

i spilt the coffee when i was telling holly about sam, equipped with hand gestures as usual.

i knocked the living day lights out of the coffee and it just cataputed to the ground and spilt everywhere. but then june offered me some sour worms. so i felt better.

i then had history. i walked in texting sam and said hello to jim. when i looked up i noticed he had had a hair cut. it was short with a poof at the front.

oh jim.

i then proceeded to achieve a few things:

i discovered we had no holiday homework. win for me

i finally got out the green sheet and ticked off all the work. yay :)

i then gave jim the picture i drew of him. it was of what he would wear in the summer. his choice of outfit really intruiged me. i wondered if he even had anyother clothes. he said thankyou and graciously took it.

maybe i gave him some style idea's?

my spare consisted of holly, stuart, that year twelve girl, june, teagan, annie and rory.

at the end it consisted of the same holly, stuart, that year twelve girl, june, teagan, annie but plus zoe and in place of rory a half eaten pie on the floor.

delightful

at lunch time sarah and i talked about her fling with pat. and stretched. we then got asked if we put our stretchyness to good use when in relation to BOYS.

i looked away embarrased and sarah smiled and shook her head.

we are obviosuly good girls.

this is a long blog and im sorry you are bored. but i like to pretend i am writing to someone.

psych was of no relevance.

exceptforthefactthatmysensorymemorydecidedtofocusattentiononandsendtheiconicinformationofthetexta's

andmyhandtomyshorttermmemory.myshorttermmemoryregisteredthisinformation

andmademefeelcompelledtocolourinmyhandwithcolourfuldots.thiseventwasthensenttomylongtermmemory,formetobe abletoretrieveintimessuchasthese.

was this right?
look at my art work :)

nod world nod

Philosophy, last class of the day. rejuvinated with some short bread biscuits, i started researching different religions such as; Vodooism, also known as VUDA and other types such as

Wicca, whom dont believe in harm to anyone or themselves, excepting self defence.

the train ride is always the most exiting. this is usually due to a few factors:

sarah is always there. this is sarah

by this point i am always deliriously tired, so anything and everything is funny.

this train trip i serenaded jesse with bold as love

and also played the air guitar to this song.

i shall one day be shot by a regular who would rather kill me instead of hearing my singing voice once again.

the bus ride. sarah is never there. for at the lilydale we part. this is the last of the line.

"this train will terminate at lilydale."

i always look like this.

by this time i am no longer deiriously tired.

i am just deadly tired.

i sat watching the familiar landscape of the green yarra glen swipe pass the bus whilst i listened to music and wrote about a lie called slevenka.

i am now home.

talking to sarah about miso soup and simply procastinating on the homework i do have now in history.

But Sam is coming over tonight and we shall watch black books and retreat into a world where we can walk on water.

i do wish i could make a dance that looked like a lemon tree

au revoir :)

bye.

oh wow.

its eight twenty six.

sunday night,

october the fourth

national golf day

and its the last day of these holidays

i dont want them to end.

i have. honestly and uberly

had the best holidays in more than a year

sam sam sam sam sam

i saw him everyday.

i feel like its mutual. he wants to see me too.

we did so much.

we painted masks.

we watched the WHOLE first season of dexter

we sat on my window for hours at night

eating noodles, drinking lemonade and talking absolute crappness

absolutly nothing

ridiculous stuff.

like what animal or plant we would be if we could

or if there are invisible cities on the moon

or or

get drunk. on school roofs

and then pretend we are areoplanes

or just lie in his bed

him cuddling me.

i dont want it to end

but you know.

it will be fine.

im going to go to school. im going to practise my toes off

im going to study well

and do well in exams

and then i will be free for the summer

with sam.

hopefully.

dont rely on it dont rely on it dont rey on it

happy back to school :)

bold as love

no one knows how the cucumbers grow

not even the cucmbers themselves

im a mystery to the world

its a mystery to me

erin, sadie, willow, lachey

everyoe's the same to me

you have to know, you have to be sure

that when you see it, it's the real one you know

golf balls, chocolate, tamashantas

lets wear hats to hide our hair

if we hide our hair we hide our head

if we hide our head we hide our thoughts

lets eat chocolate and drink peaches

under a sea of clouds

lets get drunk and pretend we are normal

i know you make no sense

there was a girl and she sat in the park

swinging upside down and eating peanut brittle

it would all come out later

no matter who was there or the place she was

let's listen to music

so we dont hear the world falling apart

"one of these days soon i will find out what goes on in that head of yours"

"no you wont"