in sync

i have given up trying to label myself

crazy

fucked up

anorexic

suicidal

depressed

because in the end. these are all they are, labels. labels for convenience, to sort things into jars. and then in the end all i am is me. i dont know these labels i come under, i dont even know if i do

but i am just me. who say's i am anything?

i dont, not anymore. and i think the day i give up labels, the day i stop to do things and immediatley think how that matched the actions of an anorexic, the day i give up doing this. is possibly the day the knot inside my chest untightens a tiny bit.
the day that maybe a few ripples have been taken away and i no longer need to worry about where i fit or who i am

i have also learnt that, life isnt perfect. and those perfect moments you dream that should be perfect, that should go a certain way?

well i have finally learnt that it will never go like this. perfection is happiness in a moment, no matter what is happening, what the weather is doing, how fat you feel. perfection comes from the inside and tells you it is perfect, that is a perfect moment.

the world will never be in sync with you, so dont pretend it will be.

gan night

i am currently sitting on the floor

behind the bed

no where near the teevee, however

i am at GN night

that is gang night :)

we are watching miami ink. apparently there is a london ink,

but this is of no importance.

the room suddenly went quiet.

molly is on the phone to her friend lisa,

as she just found out, via facebook

that lisa brokeup with her boyfriend.

anyway, as i said. this is of no importance.

1. chan is sittng in front of the teevee, watching everyone and being thoughtful

2. lois is arguing against the fact she bought a top from cotton on

and now jesse is calling her METRO

3. jesse is lying on the bed, looking confused, and playing with his hair.

4. taylah is lying inbetween jesse and brett.

most likely plotting some sortof evilplan. actually she was just talking about her puppy.

5. brett is sitting up, taking about facebook (what is new) and staring into the sky,

and just contributed to jesse and taylah' conversation about THUMBS

6. georgia is sitting in front of brett,

and consequently in front of me and the tv,

on her phone and talking to jake, her boyfriend of one million years.

we are discussing what we should jake should have for dinner

i suggested fried rice with ginger and manderins

but she told him just to have a toasted sandwhich

7. morgan is sitting next to me,

possiby reading this as i am writing, but she is way into miami ink and is very tired after work

8. molly, next to morgan. is now a little depressed,

from just gaining the knowledge that lisa and her boyfriend divoced.

9. kelly is lying across the bed, across everyones legs, and she isnt actually speaking.

but she did stick her head up a moment ag and did a loud kelly type laugh

it is silent again, which is very odd

"i want a tattoo of michael myer"

"i want one of michael jackson on my handm so when molly wakes up it will be right next to her."

goodbye.

yes!

my current achievments this week;

1. deciding on a wedding. artichokes for flowers, lavender for smell, and red for dress

a rather big decision i do believe.

2. rearranging my room and finally completing the hanging clothes line i have been planning for ages. and it worked

3. creating half a fabric and pastel tree on a canvas with sam

4. discovering the origins of zombies and voodoos, and deciding to visit the lochness monster

sam mules current week acheivments

1. hung out with Millie

2. succesfully opshopped

3. accidentaly dyed the side of my foot green

4. co-invented Cheemato sauce with Millie

5. lost my pokies machine virginity (not proud of that at all though)

a good weeks work :)

question of the week?

does bocconcini mature into mozerella??

croissants

i feel rather well and lovely

at this moment in time brett and morgan

are laying asleep next to me. and i am writing this.

Last night was a night of many discoveries.

ONE was that is is indeed possible, to fit five living creatures on a double bed.

TWO. despite that fact, the four of us, plus obese cat, could have arranged our self so much more comftortably. as opposed to morgan lying straight down the side of the bed,

brett and lois lying at a diagonal from morgans stomach.

and me lying with my head over the other side of the bed, and legs at a right angle with the wall.

oh and the obese cat sitting next to me.

THREE. gin is disgusting. especially with water that one actually thought was LEMONADE. but skittles in the bottom of it is quite nice.

FOUR. champagne makes you all warm inside. regardless it is still disgusting even with skittles and proper lemonade in the bottom.

FIVE. i dont beleive i will ever be able to drink lemon and honey falvoured tea again. it tastes too much like champagne with honey from tea in the bottom. and this is not lovely at all.

last night was rather fun. we ate croissants at three in the morning,

watched the mightY boosh, fell asleep, woke up and played dirty songs.

who needs flying turtles when you have friends like these?

in my pants

:)

1. everytime in my pants
2. i hate everything about you in my pants
3. funny honey in my pants
4. the pill won't help you now in my pants
5. keep it clean in my pants
6. a string of pearls in my pants
7. danny boy in my pants
8. second fiddle in my pants
9. please dont talke about me when im gone in my pants
10. we almost had a baby in my pants
11. apologize in my pants
12. all the trees of the feild will clap their hands in my pants
13. come rain or come shine in my pants
14. bad day in my pants
15. fir elise in my pants
16. the woods in my pants
17. musicbox in my pants
18. erin in my pants
19. autumn leaves in my pants
20. wreckless love in my pants

oh life is funny :)

pink baby soap

it's like a washing machine

to me that's a vicious cycle

to me that's my mind

round and round and round

ED, he say's it's out of these options

1. you dont eat.

2. you cut

3. you feel nothing, you see nothing, you retreat, you dont live

im addicted. if i can't have one. i have to have the other

one is used as a bribe. another is used as a punishment

why do i want to punish the world.

it isnt even me. if something goes wrong, its my way of telling the world to fuck off

it's me saying "see how shit you are, this is how i will get back at you"

it gives me an excuse to feel the way i do sometimes. it justifies the way that sometimes i just feel so confused, so lost, so helpless. like im stuck on a chair on a train that is wooshing past at the speed of light. it justifies that.

it warps time for me, so i can say "i feel this way, because of what i do."

time doesnt make sense anyway

maybe im just boring without it. it has been a part of me for so long

how can it forever be gone?

laugh

god can be so hilarious

the koalas

the koala's are on the move. this is how the world will end.
did you know that koala finger prints look almost identical to humans?
that means, that all the murders that are happening, all the evidence that is being collected
that means it could be koalas


they are all making there way to an underground headquaters in antartica. that's where they are building the machine that will allow them to take over the world.

how do they get there?

they use public transport
obviously they dont walk onto a bus or a plane and ask for a ticket.
no

they jump on the side of a passing bus or anyother type of transport. they just sit there. clinging to the roof, waiting patiently car by car, bus by bus, until they slowly have made their way to antarctica

now for what they are doing there.
they are creating a massive vaccumm cleaner. a massive one. that just sucks everything in its way up. and the koala's will not have to cling to the roof of buses to get to where they want
because when they are done, the koala's will be free and happy to eat all the eucalytus leaves they wish.

so if you ever see a koala clinging to your roof
dont even worry about it!

its sunny, carefree, warm days like this
spent with friends, that remind my why i am not sick anymore
why i stayed here, why i pulled myself up
why i have not given up :)

revenge

i have the most wonderful and great friends in LE whole world
the whole world (pretty much) had a power black out last night
so when morgan, chan, brett and i rocked up at the innocent bystander at 7.30, they told us not to come in.
so we, being wonderful and mature 16 and 17 year olds, we decided we shall walk to coles, but food, and find somewhere to have a picnic.
morgan and i waltzed through the dark street to world war two music i so conveniently had on my phone. we pretended it was the apocolypse. the street lights weren't working, there were cars everywhere, going here, going there. people were running into coles and running out ten seconds later with candles and matches.
we watltzed in to coles and bought our food. MandM's, mango sorbet, spoons, candles, matches, doritios and salsa. we walked up to my house, carrying this load of food and waving glow sticks.
anyway, the inbetween bit doesnt matter. it's from where brett suggested that we should stalk benno.
a bit of background information, benjamin ledingham was the dickless idiot who took my first car (that is code for something, just think a little bit) and then ignored me, and when i finally got him to talk to me properly he broke up with me. over msn.
anyway. we walked up the hill to his house, and spent about 15 minutes coming up with our plan of action. we were like ninja's, sneaking up the side of his fence, we were prank calling him, and trying to knock on his door. the stupid boys didnt come.
suddenly a car came into the drive way and we thought it was his parents. we absolutly BOLTED into their horse float. morgan even swore. morgan never swears. turned out it was just jesse. so we waited again. we peered around the gate into the living room. benno was walking around holding his little brother and jesse was constantly playing with his hair and looking sideways at aiden.
we tried throwing rocks to the window, but the idiotic boys didnt flinch. finally we noticed the radio outside. and we put in on- it went from dead silence to suddenly blasting country music playing.
the three of us BOLTED down the drive and to the side of the fence. then we prank called them a few times. and finally when we heard someone turn the radio off, we ran outof the gate and didnet stop until we were at the end of my road.

oh revenge is sweet sweet sweet :)

ihucusfishdikfguaysd

oh hey.
this is utterly utterly not fun
my friend sarah says i should probably post some nice blog entries. which is probably a good idea, you know, to ensure the world im not depressed every moment of everyday. because i am not. i just happen to always write blogs when i have something bad to say.

okay, now we have that clarified.
hi, how is life, the sun is yellow, oh yes, really? good chat.
but actaully.
im sweating like an animal that sweats ALOT
and i am constantly hot and flushy even though it is approximaltley -100 degress on the outside of my wall.
my stomach feels like it actaully isnt there, and through the hole that it has left, big ugly massive MOTHS and flying through

nah.