blue mousse

today i got bored so i drew a moustache on my face,

just to see what i would like

as a frenchman with a blue moustache.

maybe baby

i think im going crazy.

yes my tenses are all over the shop

oh of course i know the answer, it's better to crash

because it's all worth the crashing.

firstly sam and i can catch the train into the city, and eat coffee and toast

and then we can wonder up all the streets, with all the buildings and all the people

and all the amazing shops, so many shops.

and ill wonder along with my cape and my blue box bag, clasping onto mule as his hair just blows backwards and he leads me, walking like a sexy sexy man and telling me what he thinks.

and then i will go to amazing places, and see amazing things,

and we will wonderback through the city at night, buying fifteen dollars of lollies and champagne.

and then we will spend a wonderful night in a hotel room, doing whatever the flipping fuck we want, ever.

see all this actually happens

and then we go on holiday, to barwon heads, that should be spelt barwin heads.

i love going away, without my family. it sounds horrid, but it's true

im removed, so far away, somewhere new, with so many things to do.

like diving into the ocean, saying "fuck this" at the coldness. and then lying on the sand, not caring about how it's getting in my pants.

well not until later, but then it's okay because i can shower and have a crumpet.

and then i can eat with sam, and he loves eating, he loves all the taste and the texture and the colour and it's so nice to see.

and then i can wonder, and he will answer, and ill wonder more, and then he will wonder too.

and then we drink champagne, so much champagne and so much beer and cider and we can take a drunken but amazing walk to the beach at night, and dance in the sand.

i liked dancing in the sand, with the cold wind but no one around and the music coming from sam's phone and us just singing and dancing like loons.

and then i will like to watch the sea, and get attacked by massive waves crashing on the side of the wall, and we can talk about ship wrecks and what kindof of fish we would like to be.

so much nicness

and it makes me feel higher :)

and wonder even more.

and all yay. oh yay :)

annie and i also like to bombard elliots laptop with photos of our face :)

even if it...

Its the word again, i dont know what it is.

its the world too, i dont like the way i fall into this one world, that's perfect, wonderful, amazing. where i feel whole and happy and like i dont ever need anything else. and i just stand there, in this world with everything else moving around me, but stuck in this time bubble, glowing.

but then i dont like the way i always crash back into the other one. this one, whatever one it is. there doesn't seem to be an inbetween for me, and when there is, i hardly notice, i just rush along trying not to fall into either. but the crash is what hurts, and i cant decide if its better to just crash, or not fall into the other world at all.

of course i know the answer, and what i will do. thats the shit thing, that makes it all so painful, and messy. but, amazing. but again.

that word.

today i learnt

today i learnt that the love you feel for someone, or something

is only as strong as you feel inside.

like everything else i seem to learn, this will have an exception, a lot of exceptions

but it seemed today i was feeling stronger

and i had more confidence in who i love, and what i love

that was today

:)

the year

this year is the year

ive been thinking about it

playing with it on the end of my tongue

in my mind

but now i have finally decided. it is final

it is set

it is happening

this year is the year

for dancing.

ive had my recovery year, ive had my getting back my strength

now im going to use that

and im going to go,

to run
to sprint.

auditions, practice, perfection
no fucking up this year

no playign and dreaming

this year is the year, the real thing

everything is going to come alive.

im promising.

"happiness is something you create"

new

i want to go somewhere new
see something new

do new things

some where completley different with rain and sun
and lights
and lots of new people
and new places to go

somewhere with nice trees and lots of people just running around
living their life
so i can sit and live mine too
knowing all the people around me are different
but doing the same thing

new. somewhere nice.
:)

adventures of years.

Before at Brett’s

June and Millie arrive. They walk in and there is Renee, Lois, Brett, and molly, Nick, Morgan and Taylah.

Taylah’s father had purchased her ten pulses for the evening and she had already consumed four by this time of eight o’clock.

Taylah is “pinging” in a sense and taking photos of people’s faces from around corners.

Taylah then proceeds to break a porcelain cow’s head that Brett’s mother had treasured from her childhood.

Millie falls on the ground squealing when she realises there are only two sleeps left until she get’s to see Sam again.

Lois wigs out at Millie wigging out.

Brett fills up a thermos with gin, vodka, wine, juice and lemonade, and some more gin.

Renee, Morgan, June, Lois and Millie then left after the arrival of Britt and Sharnie and the completion of a group photo and a story called the Canadian dingo, written by Millie.

The trek

Renee, Morgan, June, Lois and Millie all commence walking to Angus’.

None of them know where are they are really going.

Millie is drinking schnapps out of the bottle because she is a complete schnapps fiend,

and has a repetitive conversation with Morgan.

“Are we there yet?” millie asks

“Kinda, almost” Morgan responds

“We’re aren’t there yet are we?” millie asks again

“Not really?” morgan responds again

“Well, are we almost there?” millie again asks

June, Renee and Morgan are all singing and playing drop it like its hawt whilst the group of five is walking up the road.

Millie and Lois are at the back singing jungle book.

As lightening strikes the ground in the Far East, and occasionally lighting up the earth for a split second, the following is occurring;

June is drinking vodka and pine juice out of her HANDY bottle,

Morgan is consuming mascato out of a KFC plastic drink tub.

Renee is clutching a pineapple juice bottle filled with gin, Malibu and said pineapple juice

and Lois is waving around a pink drink bottle filled with vodka and apple and guava juice.

They arrive.

The party

From here on the author of this piece gets a bit confused.

Mostly because she is confused ninety-something percent of the time anyway,

but also because she was under he influence of schnapps.

1. After having difficulty finding the path to where the music was coming from and confusion (from everyone) as to where the arrows were pointing, the group of five enter an open space.
2. In this open space there is a cubby and house and people taking drinks out of their bag. There is also a wave of extremely loud music of the crap kind.
3. It suddenly starts to spit, bearable spitting. It then equally as suddenly starts to pour down in buckets.
4. The group of five make their way to a space under the cubby house where the rain is actually not saturating. Millie and June then take out a cigarette and starts smoking in the cramped confined space. Millie smokes that shit good to forget about their location. As people are standing on tables, and benches, sopping wet with rain and goon that people are spraying around in the air.
5. People are aggressively dancing to the crap type music, people are screaming to it, and singing to it. There is mud everywhere, people are having goon poured into their mouth from a higher level and other people appear to have begun pinging, not on pulses, but on more serious type of drugs.
6. Under the cubby house, Lois, Morgan, Renee, Millie and June are still sitting as people climbing down and up the steps keep stopping to shake hands.
7. Lois then begins to say RATHER LOUDLY such things as

“I hate all these people!! These are all the people I hate!!”

A girl is sitting next to her talking and talking, and as Lois is on the phone she says to her “oh my god. I hate you.”

Lois then comes to the conclusion that the party is full of underage people, and she should steal their alcohol, even though they too were underage, but Lois figures they are more underage than she is.

“THIS FLIPPING PARTY IS SHEEP!

8. June then goes out in the rain and disappears into the mad crowd.
   
9. We do not see her until later when we ask her if she wishes to escape with us, she tilts her head sideways and says “im having fuuuuuun!” and then takes a swig from her bottle.

10. Adam Broome approaches Millie and says something about how Millie used to hate him because he smoked, drank and did drugs. Millie doesn’t know what to say as she is holding her schnapps and a cigarette. Morgan laughs and says “Millaaay!!”

    Millie apologises for such behaviour and tries o make excuses. Then just keep on apologising. He say’s its okay and gives her a hug.

    Adam Broome hen approaches Millie again later and tells her something about a boat.

    “Oh I love boats can we go!!” Adam Broome begins to put his arm around Millie’s waist and she looks at Lois

    Lois then says to Millie, “MIILIE HE WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU, and HE DOESN’T KNOW YOU HAVE ABOYFRIEND”

    Millie turns to Adam Broome and then says “im sorry I have a boyfriend!”

    Adam say’s something and goes to a group of people who are spraying goon over everyone.

11. “We’re fucking leaving” Lois says. Lois swears more than Millie when she is drunk.
12. Millie decides she will ask her mother pick them up and take them back to Brett's, because walking to Brett's in such rain probably wouldn’t be the right choice.
13. Millie, Renee, Lois and Morgan frantically grab their bags and belongings to run to the end of the road where Millie’s wonderful Mother is to meet them.
14. Lois falls down in sludge just a few seconds after declaring she would lead the way out of this place. It was rather like someone sliding down a mud slide and landing like a dead ant with all their limbs in the air, but a dead ant holding a water bottle, filled with vodka.
15. Renee then falls down again on the same path a few moments after Lois. The fact Renee just feel into a fence and onto the ground eludes Millie and if anything makes her more anxious to get clean ‘GET THE FUCK UP RENEE”
16. Millie, Renee, Lois and Morgan proceed to walk down the hill to meet Millie’s mother. Lois is swearing about her hatred of the party. Renee is wet and is repeatedly “fucking her life,” Morgan is not saying that much, just telling everyone to scream ‘SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN,” and Millie is limping behind them, her shoe is broken and she is screaming ‘ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET SPIFFY. IT’S ALL I FUCKING WANTED! ON A HILL. ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET SPIFFY ON A HILL. FUCK I DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY CIGARETTES”
17. At the end of the road Morgan and Lois sit down and Lois starts to play in puddles; “is it okay im playing in puddles?”
18. Millie’s mother arrives and the group of four pile into the car and thank her over a million times. When they arrive at Bretts house Millie asks her mother if she has any cigarettes, her mother responds with “I might have left them at home, oh, look in my bag and see if there are any there.” Millie looks, and there is. She takes a few and says goodbye to her mother.
    

Back at Bretts

From this point on the author get’s even more confused, because of her sudden and heavy intake of schnapps.

1. Lois, Morgan, Renee and Millie enter Brett's house wet and angry
2. Renee, Morgan and Millie go into the bathroom and all shower in their underpants, the water is warm, this is good.
3. They all get clean
4. Somewhere along the way Millie put on a Ben folds five album and drinks excessively and dances excessively.
5. Renee also lies on the couch wanting to nap but still drinking her vodka at the same time. Renee did not think that process through.
6. Millie isn’t sure what Morgan was doing, though she was there with them. But Millie was more focused on the schnapps and Ben Folds.
7. Somewhere along the way the Year actually ended. Politicians were dong the count down
8. Renee Morgan and Millie then watched video hits, all still schnapping, napping, and being.
9. Millie then falls asleep somehow in between dancing an drinking
10. Millie is woken up and is moved into the other room with Morgan and Renee. They watch kill bill and eat pasta. Millie discovers Garlic salt.
11. they fall asleep

The morning

In the morning numerous things happened. Renee was very tired, Morgan cleaned everything, Millie was possibly still drunk and lost her shit when she discovered Brett’s sock tub, Brett threw up his stomach lining, but it was actually just bile, Lois felt like throwing up, Molly and Nick were naked in Brett’s parents’ bed.

Millie then sneaked bottles into another recycling bin and got attacked by a wild dog, but not really.

Then everyone went home and slept. Except Morgan- who went to work

It was wet and cold and muddy and disastrous,

but Millie thinks it was massive fun :)

what not to do

i could write a novel on this topic.

anyways




do not:



firstly. be sitting in your room, which looks like russia has invented a bomb that contains masses of dresses and material, that accidently went off in your general vicinity. and do not NOT clean up or put the reminents of the explosion in a proper place.


secondly. do not decide that you will go looking in your garage, which seems like a whole world of absolute useless junk, and decide that from in this world, you will find something to put all of this material and dresses in- so you can use them at a later date.


thirdly.DO NOT DECIDE ON AN OLD BAR FRIDGE FOR THIS PURPOSE


fourthy. do not collect a bag of tools and unscrew the back, the top and the side screws of this fridge. then, do not get a MASSIVE pair of pliars- one that is so big it is half your size-and then use these to cut the chords and peices of metal that are connecting the back wire of the fridge to the bottom gear thingo.
because, from this a werid noise will begin to billow out of these cut peices of metal, and it will smell a little like gas or petrol


fifhty. at this point, do not take for granted if it occurs so that your brother will arrive home at that moment and say "what the hell are you doing millie" and automatically know that you are in a spot of bother.


sixthly. again, do not take for granted the fact that your ten year old brother seems to be smarter than you and cuts the bit of metal even further back and then bends the tip over itself so it stop the gassing buisness.


sevenly. at this point, do not think "okay it will be fine! yay, fridge here i come"

because i can tell you it will not be fine.


eithley. at this juncture. it would be advisible to retun the fridge whence it came, and go back to cutting up orange jungle-like cushion covers to hang on the wall so your room looks like a jungle.

it would not be advisible to, with much difficulty, drag out the fridge using one of those trolley things, and dump it on the grass. then rinse it out, and then proceed to again use this trolley to take the fridge into your room.


ninthley. from here, getting it into your room, do not attempt to put the bar fridge in various different positions, before deciding that, "you know what? this wont work."


tenthly. now, do not allow your brother to come into your room and point out the fact that your mother will murder you will a string of your odd socks when she discovers your evening activites. then, at this realisation, do not beg your brother to help you lift the fridge back up and onto the trolley, then wheel it to the garage. and when he refuses, do not offer him money. because then he wont be satisfied with only ten, but will lean against the wall until your offer goes up to twenty.


eleventhly. do not speed the fridge up the drive and into the garage, then very throughly attempt to eliminate any shrad of evidence that might suggest you had been dismantling a fridge and dragging it throughout the house.


twelthy. do not take for granted if your mother will have perfect timing and arrive home just as you had sat down. and then do not leave a dirty towel outside without an explanation.





this is what not to do.

"you know me, im impulisve"

the dying swn

i want to be as beautiful as this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmeDILoBdAo&feature=related

please yes :)

was it worth it

this makes me feel sick

it makes me want to be completley numb

it makes me feel so scared at the magnificence of it

it scares the living crap out of me

i wish i wasnt, but im terrorfied

pictures and words

im rather tired

"'Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity.'
G K Chesterton

my day

and im feeling a bit

lost

and i just wish i could

fly

and then dissapear to

the moon

with my new amazing cup

just for a while

until

the clouds become electric

hi my name is moreen and i'm going to rape you gently in your sleep

hi my name is millie

i'm a magician

which explains the ridiculous amount of stuff

ALL

over my floor

but if someone has a party

im set

:)

plans in action

i need to put plans in action

now.

in this clarity

of the path the other way

neither, neither path

my path.

Yeah .

talk.

at six thirteen am on a friday morning Lucy Angkatell's big blue eyes opened upon another day, and as always, she was at ocne wide awake and began immediatley to deal with the problems conjured up by her incredibly active mind.

i hate words. i have so much against words

they never mean what i want them to mean

and i always hate how they sound when i say them

BUT

i dont want to loose things, do i?

i want to be over here, and not over there

i want to have an open mind

and maybe i can live my life teetering everywere, maybe this is okay?

maybe this is exiting?

maybe i should just fuck it

and pick life.

even though its not that easy

but maybe i'm the only one who knows that.

im still not going anywhere

its almost like a would you rather.

but without peacocks or sardines.

ill just sit here, for little while longer

tied to a tree, to make sure i dont slip left by accident

but getting my courage to leap over.

i just need sum o' dat shiz

and im set.

i wish i was gangster

that would be so fun.

a dress in blue

I don't care if it hurts,

I want to have control.

I want a perfect body,

I want a perfect soul.

I want you to notice,when I'm not around.

You're so fucking special,I wish I was special.

oh wow
they such amazing lyrics
go radiohead for looking into my head right now
and going back in time and writing that in 1993
that didnt happen, but still

chips, mango sorbet, tea, rolls


i am currently sitting on my bed,
in my immensley messy room

but i kindof like it


i like my loud music, and my room with clothes, and pointe shoes
and bags, and rose petals, and paper and pencils
and hats and bags
everywhere
i like it.

amelia said to give myself twenty four hours
and maybe i will, i think i shall.

not now, not tomorrow.

maybe the week after

im at a cross roads.
apparently
and i really hate capital letters and long sentences.

but i dont know which one to pick
i know the one i should pick.
and the one i want to pick
but at the same time
the other path is so strong
and less painful
and easier.
i dont know how to make the "good" path easier and bearable
like the "bad" one

maybe im just lazy
but i really like this song
and my toes hurt like a mother bitch
:)

figments of the imagination

i dont believe in awkward

i believe that music is only ment be played loud

i believe in illusion

i dont believe in perfection

i believe in beauty in the different

i believe in impulses

i believe in elephants in rooms

i dont believe in being nowhere

i dont believe in good and evil

i believe in invisible rivers made of emotions

i believe in seeing things

i dont believe in the pointlessness

i dont believe in stillness

i believe in the inevitable

i believe in karma

starting now

its so early

i have never blogged this early

outside is calm, quiet

there is an occasional bird sound. but even the clouds arent moving.

im all ready for school, ready for my day.

sailor dress.

golden shoes

pink sock, music sock

grandpa hat

blue eyeliner

its all looking normal

but i wish i could do and do something else

after the same inane mundane thing day after day

bus, train, school, home.

home home home home

its like living on the top of the storm cloud

it seems quiet when you're up there

but you just have to listen for the rumbles underneath to understand where you really are

but its okay.

we do what we can to make life easier

sometimes i think i can cope, sometimes i think i cant

but it comes down to i have to, doesnt it?

we all have to be able to cope

no oen breaks down

or runs away to a tree house in india

that isnt how it works

i dont know how i feel today

maybe i will just go to school

bury myself in my music

bury myself in nmy revision

do some lunch time dancing

and just ignore it

that's so much easier

ready?

i wish i could tell you, i really wish i could

i wish i could open up my chest, because i most certainly would

and the music would spill out in the form of saxaphones and songs

then perhaps this explanation wouldnt be so hard and long

i wish i could take you back, back through all the scenes

then you would witness the day, and the falling leaves

the tables, the words, the thoughts and the days

maybe then i wouldnt be feeling so alone and dazed

i wish i could hand you my senses

maybe you would see my world through my lenses

they heighten when i feel the heat, or when i drink some tea

i wish you could hear and feel this, maybe just for me?

i wish you could hold my hands, and feel these feelings too

if i had to share them with someone,i hope it could be you

and you would feel the heat and the raging storms

having someone sitting with me, maybe i wouldnt feel so worn

so many things

okay so, a day at a time

but firstly. i wish i could make a dance that was almost like reading a really amazing book

or like a really amazing picture

almost like sam said "i want to make a song that looks like that," and he pointed at the clouds.

i want to make a dance that looks and means a word

a word that's what i want

that leaves the audience feeling not necessarily happy

but

alive

i want to make a dance that makes a sound. that makes a song. i suppose thats why you dance to music

but i want my dance to be like, the audience seeing the music. seeing the notes, the words, and the emotions

this is surley impossible?

but maybe not .

i do feel like sometimes i will explode with all these ideas and inspirations.

and then there is too much to be able to do it all