plan A

it is very extremely late, but my brain is going whhiiiiirrrr and i think i will be able to sleep if i get the whirrring out of my head, anyway its only 11.45.

i have decided tomorrow, i will go and visit my father, i dont know what i am going to say, or what my purpose is. maybe he will offer me a cup of coffee. probably not. but i want to not talk about his drinking. i want to see if its possible for me to share some of my life with him, and if its possible for him to appreciate it, that what my purpsose is.

im feeling rather sure tonight :) like my plans are actaully going to become real and i can see what im going to do. from tomorrow i am going to start acting like myself again. i mean, i always am, but ive been rather scared to completley open the last few buttons on my invisible jacket, so im going to do that.

and tonight, i dont want to cut. i want to eat my lovely healthy english muffin with cottage cheese and my multi-v juice, and have chai latte, and i want to end the day sewing my bag or starting morgans.

so tomorrow the plan is:

i rock up to school "hellohellohello" and im me, and im going to try and open maybe one button, just one

then fifth period i leave school, stand outside the hostel and press the button for number six.

i would rather text him and telling him to meet me out the front, but the inconveinience of no credit kindof puts a fly in that ointment

so that what im going to do. yes. and yes

goodnight :)