starting now

its so early

i have never blogged this early

outside is calm, quiet

there is an occasional bird sound. but even the clouds arent moving.

im all ready for school, ready for my day.

sailor dress.

golden shoes

pink sock, music sock

grandpa hat

blue eyeliner

its all looking normal

but i wish i could do and do something else

after the same inane mundane thing day after day

bus, train, school, home.

home home home home

its like living on the top of the storm cloud

it seems quiet when you're up there

but you just have to listen for the rumbles underneath to understand where you really are

but its okay.

we do what we can to make life easier

sometimes i think i can cope, sometimes i think i cant

but it comes down to i have to, doesnt it?

we all have to be able to cope

no oen breaks down

or runs away to a tree house in india

that isnt how it works

i dont know how i feel today

maybe i will just go to school

bury myself in my music

bury myself in nmy revision

do some lunch time dancing

and just ignore it

that's so much easier

ready?

i wish i could tell you, i really wish i could

i wish i could open up my chest, because i most certainly would

and the music would spill out in the form of saxaphones and songs

then perhaps this explanation wouldnt be so hard and long

i wish i could take you back, back through all the scenes

then you would witness the day, and the falling leaves

the tables, the words, the thoughts and the days

maybe then i wouldnt be feeling so alone and dazed

i wish i could hand you my senses

maybe you would see my world through my lenses

they heighten when i feel the heat, or when i drink some tea

i wish you could hear and feel this, maybe just for me?

i wish you could hold my hands, and feel these feelings too

if i had to share them with someone,i hope it could be you

and you would feel the heat and the raging storms

having someone sitting with me, maybe i wouldnt feel so worn