blue mousse

today i got bored so i drew a moustache on my face,

just to see what i would like

as a frenchman with a blue moustache.

maybe baby

i think im going crazy.

yes my tenses are all over the shop

oh of course i know the answer, it's better to crash

because it's all worth the crashing.

firstly sam and i can catch the train into the city, and eat coffee and toast

and then we can wonder up all the streets, with all the buildings and all the people

and all the amazing shops, so many shops.

and ill wonder along with my cape and my blue box bag, clasping onto mule as his hair just blows backwards and he leads me, walking like a sexy sexy man and telling me what he thinks.

and then i will go to amazing places, and see amazing things,

and we will wonderback through the city at night, buying fifteen dollars of lollies and champagne.

and then we will spend a wonderful night in a hotel room, doing whatever the flipping fuck we want, ever.

see all this actually happens

and then we go on holiday, to barwon heads, that should be spelt barwin heads.

i love going away, without my family. it sounds horrid, but it's true

im removed, so far away, somewhere new, with so many things to do.

like diving into the ocean, saying "fuck this" at the coldness. and then lying on the sand, not caring about how it's getting in my pants.

well not until later, but then it's okay because i can shower and have a crumpet.

and then i can eat with sam, and he loves eating, he loves all the taste and the texture and the colour and it's so nice to see.

and then i can wonder, and he will answer, and ill wonder more, and then he will wonder too.

and then we drink champagne, so much champagne and so much beer and cider and we can take a drunken but amazing walk to the beach at night, and dance in the sand.

i liked dancing in the sand, with the cold wind but no one around and the music coming from sam's phone and us just singing and dancing like loons.

and then i will like to watch the sea, and get attacked by massive waves crashing on the side of the wall, and we can talk about ship wrecks and what kindof of fish we would like to be.

so much nicness

and it makes me feel higher :)

and wonder even more.

and all yay. oh yay :)

annie and i also like to bombard elliots laptop with photos of our face :)

even if it...

Its the word again, i dont know what it is.

its the world too, i dont like the way i fall into this one world, that's perfect, wonderful, amazing. where i feel whole and happy and like i dont ever need anything else. and i just stand there, in this world with everything else moving around me, but stuck in this time bubble, glowing.

but then i dont like the way i always crash back into the other one. this one, whatever one it is. there doesn't seem to be an inbetween for me, and when there is, i hardly notice, i just rush along trying not to fall into either. but the crash is what hurts, and i cant decide if its better to just crash, or not fall into the other world at all.

of course i know the answer, and what i will do. thats the shit thing, that makes it all so painful, and messy. but, amazing. but again.

that word.

today i learnt

today i learnt that the love you feel for someone, or something

is only as strong as you feel inside.

like everything else i seem to learn, this will have an exception, a lot of exceptions

but it seemed today i was feeling stronger

and i had more confidence in who i love, and what i love

that was today

:)

the year

this year is the year

ive been thinking about it

playing with it on the end of my tongue

in my mind

but now i have finally decided. it is final

it is set

it is happening

this year is the year

for dancing.

ive had my recovery year, ive had my getting back my strength

now im going to use that

and im going to go,

to run
to sprint.

auditions, practice, perfection
no fucking up this year

no playign and dreaming

this year is the year, the real thing

everything is going to come alive.

im promising.

"happiness is something you create"

new

i want to go somewhere new
see something new

do new things

some where completley different with rain and sun
and lights
and lots of new people
and new places to go

somewhere with nice trees and lots of people just running around
living their life
so i can sit and live mine too
knowing all the people around me are different
but doing the same thing

new. somewhere nice.
:)